December 2010
21 posts
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I’ll wash and you’ll dry and the night will come and go by the time we finish cleaning up the giant mess we made of everything, but I swear I’ll put my heart and soul into it like I used to put all of myself into us. And so through forced teamwork, we’ll glue back the broken pieces of ourselves and force our fingers, which have grown to new adult sizes and no longer fit...
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There are times when the words need to be said, when your skin needs to be felt, when all the weight of the world piles upon your shoulders and nothing can take away the pain. When living gets to be too much to handle, I look for your face in the stuffy crowd, I listen for your voice amidst the deafening noises. Sometimes, it seems like I’ll never find you again within the jungle that we...
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It’s once again the time to hold my breath for a new year of disappointments and shortcomings. I don’t know why we bother declaring every January first to be brand new when everything happens the exact same way it always does- there will be heartbreak and an ocean of tears streaming from ours eyes, there will be the feeling of true happiness, though it will be rare, and there will be...
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seriously scattered thoughts at midnight after an...
I need you to know that this was all for you. I wouldn’t have made it though these 365 days without your love and support guiding me, without your sweet kisses in the backseat of my car or your comforting words when life took me by the shoulders and shook me a little too hard. In more ways than you know, you saved my life. I was so tired of pouring the poisonous liquid down my throat in a...
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Anonymous asked: the emotion in your blog is fascinating. merry christmas darling,
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Christmas means baking chocolate chip cookies with my friends at three in the morning, glad to be reunited after a long semester apart. It means the warmest sweaters, red and green nail polish, skillfully pulling him beneath the mistletoe. It means Christmas movies all night long, Christmas songs stuck in my head, wrapping presents with little skill if only for the thought and effort. It means...
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Fingers sliding up my shirt, but my head is lost in the clouds, eyes far away from the current situation. Regret fills me to the brim the way I pour my drink in an attempt to forget, but the memories are always there, lingering in the very depths of my mind, ready to attack my consciousness at any given moment.
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everything is temporary
One day, you will look back on all this- on holding hands with fingers tightly entwined, on tears shed within the safety and security of four-walled loneliness, on the friends you sat with at lunch every day for four years, on your college roommate and the way she always clicked her tongue in her sleep, on long walks to dinner dates, on boys with big blue eyes and boys with thick-framed glasses...
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the first time i ever got drunk
I was in seventh grade when I was invited to my first real New Year’s Eve party that didn’t involve sparkling cider and watching fireworks with cousins to avoid older relatives pinching my cheeks. The party was in the basement of my friend’s house and when I was dropped off, I had no idea what I was getting myself into or how far in over my head I would soon be.
Everyone was...
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My favorite songs are the old ones- sad and slow, the ones that make your heart ache for the plainest things you used to have, like a simple hand to hold or an affectionate kiss on the forehead, just an absentminded compliment on your appearance after working so hard to impress. My favorite songs are the ones that most people ignore unless they’re feeling particularly sad, the ones that...
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two lonely kids in a basement on a sunday night
This weekend, we went to your aunt’s annual Christmas party despite the awkwardness that had passed between us recently. When we had finished dinner, the rest of your family gathered in the living room to play cards, but the two of us found our way to the basement. I dropped down onto the couch and you put the Christmas station on the radio before joining me in obligatory silence. Avoiding...
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If you remember the good times too often, the past will seem better than the present and you’ll lose sight of the future. I keep telling myself this, convincing myself that my current life is just as valuable as my previous experiences have been, but it’s getting harder and harder to believe it as I find myself further away from my favorite memories every morning. Sometimes, things...
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the kind of girl who just keeps falling and...
“Let’s just slow it down a little,” he said. “It’s only been a few weeks, but it already kind of feels like people are considering us just one person.” He took my chin in his hand, forcing me to look up at him. His blue eyes were wide with concern over my reaction, flecks of snow in his auburn hair, his cheeks red from the cold winds. “I love you, baby,...
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We’re getting older every single day and it terrifies me. One morning, I’m going to look in the mirror and the young, soft-skinned face of an eighteen year old will be replaced with an unmistakable adult. The thing about me is that I feel things too deeply, every single tiny emotion is amplified; I never want to stop living this way. Time has the power to take everything, but...
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Girl: So, what do you want me to get you for Christmas this year?
Boy: Well, I could really use a new heart. The one I have now is irrevocably broken.
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My December has been sleepless nights and last minute coffee runs between classes, eyelids too heavy to stay open. It’s been gloves gripping the steering wheel tighter than needed, noses pressed into books and curling up on the couch to watch old black and white movies until the early hours of the morning creep up on us. It’s giving up wearing my favorite hoodie in place of...
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We wrestle, tangled up in your blankets, and I’m breathless with laughter as your fingers tickle my sides. All the words swelling on my tongue fade away with your smiles and soft skin, with my fingers tangled into your hair and your lips on my collarbone. For once in my life, I am completely speechless. I’ve never been more in love.
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in love during the holiday season
Thanksgiving night, you came over and we sat across the table from each other, shoveling pumpkin pie into our mouths as my grandmother questioned you about school, about your future ambitions, about your own family. The Christmas carols swimming through the speakers were deafening and when she finally left us alone to do the dishes, we danced around to the tunes, laughing and teasing each other...
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I wanted to be someone else for you, so I caked on the make-up and painted my nails blood red, shimmied into my little black dress and when I looked in the mirror, some confident stranger that I’ve never known stared back at me. In the end, I guess that still wasn’t enough to impress you.