December 2011
18 posts
5 tags
This past year is proof that sometimes, life can take away your everything and if you stay standing and catch your breath, if your crying is soft enough to not draw too much attention, you’ll get it all back. Last year was swaying to the beat in a stranger’s basement, pressed up against nameless bodies, beer in hand. Last year was watching my family fall apart right in front of me, the...
3 tags
He had eyes like a puppy, remember? He used to be so small and you would sit him in your lap and wrap your arms around him because he was your baby, your little boy, the only person who would love you forever and always see you as some sort of flawless hero. You would smooth the blonde hair from his forehead and kiss him goodnight, check under his bed for monsters, rub sun screen into the freckles...
4 tags
Earlier in the night, I’d sat squished in the backseat between you and your brother, laughing as you fought over my head about one thing or another, always yapping back and forth like the teenage boys you are. Your mom rolled her eyes from the passenger’s seat and turned the radio a little bit higher, drowning you both out with Frank Sinatra singing about the summer wind and how it...
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My Christmas this year involved so much happiness that I constantly felt on the verge of tears, as if this sort of contentment is destroying me from the inside out with worry of when it will all fall apart. I’m starting to finally believe that maybe this isn’t just temporary, maybe I’ve finally found a comfortable stride in life and, despite minor blows, I’ll keep strolling...
2 tags
“Your love must not depend on sad-eyed boys. You can be in love with sunflower...”
– Francesca Lia Block
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There was something about the way you smiled when I met you under the mistletoe tonight, how you wrapped your arm around my waist and pulled me closer. The wine made me giggly, but you just somehow thought it was cute- like the way you’re always able to see my biggest flaws as something endearing. Thank you for kissing me in front of my family with surprising confidence on this magical...
2 tags
I never wanted this for us. I never wanted the years to pass like the worn pages of an old notebook blown away by the wind too quickly to catch before they’re gone forever, just a distant memory of waxed romantic words strung together by overly emotional tendencies. I never wanted to have to look you in the eyes and not know you anymore, never wanted to realize that we’re only...
3 tags
it’s that time of the year when the world...
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What I’m trying to say is that someday, this will all be gone and it won’t matter what shoes you wore to that party (you ended up taking them off after half an hour of dancing anyway) or what color(s?) your hair is (or how expensive it was to get it that color) or how long it took for him to respond to a text message that night when you were out of town (even though you spent the whole...
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I remember letting my hand linger close to yours, wanting so badly for you to hold it, and staring in the mirror for too long before we would get together, trying to look my absolute best for you. Now, you’re mine and it’s been months, but sometimes, I can still hardly believe it.
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We drove around town to look at the Christmas decorations when it got dark, singing along to holiday music on the radio with out of tune voices and smiles that wouldn’t fade. The lights were blinding when we stared for too long and it was cold enough to snuggle into your side, but every moment made me increasingly grateful for the things I have and the things that will or won’t arrive...
2 tags
“One day you fall for this boy. And he touches you with his fingers. And he burns...”
– Tracey Berkowitz
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today:
you held my hand in front of your mother.
she called me ‘sweetie’ and laughed at my jokes.
your fingers grazed my thigh beneath the table during dinner.
when i shot you a scolding look, you just grinned back at me.
at the end of the night, i found myself squeezed between you and your brother on the couch.
he nudged me in the side and eventually hugged me goodbye.
you and...
3 tags
to a friend who needs to hear it
At this very moment, you’re wringing your hands together nervously and trying to keep your mind off her pretty face, but every time you close your eyes, all you can see is her perfect smile as her hands grazed your flat stomach, gently undoing your belt. No one had ever seen anything special in you- you were tall and lanky, too skinny, your hair was either too messy or too short, depending...
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You might feel like you’re weak when you’re crying over what seems like nothing to everyone else because I sure did. Today, as the salty tears mixed with mascara slid down my cheeks, I felt like the most pathetic, worthless person in the entire world- but then I realized that maybe it’s okay to cry over someone you love because, goddamn, they really know how to make you feel...
4 tags
“I remember riding in a taxi one afternoon between very tall buildings under a...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
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my coworker is on the phone, business as usual. “let’s paint the room white,” he says and laughs at whatever the person suggests on the other line. i type nonsense and stare at my computer hard, trying not to eavesdrop, but his ending words hit me like a car and i feel like i’m tumbling over the windshield, lying face down on the cold concrete. “i love you,...
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There were tears in my eyes on the drive home, my fingers gripping the steering wheel, and you sang me a song about love over the static of the radio, your soft voice calming me down. Today, we were reminded twice that life is delicate and though it left me with shaking hands and gasping breaths, with regrets that will stretch out the length of my entire life, I know now that there’s nothing...