I thought that feeling- you know the one where your heart swells so big in your chest that it feels like it’s pushing against your rib cage, trying to make a jailbreak? I thought the growing familiarity of it was a good thing. Silly me, always trying to find beauty in the ugliest occurrences, always holding my breath for too long to feel the immense relief of fresh air, always picking the lucky charms out of my cereal and saving them for the last spoonful, always quietly defending your reasons when you yell at me for the things I can’t help, like my constant concern for your quiet sighs and the way I care for everyone when you wish I would only care for you.
I’ve always been the foolish girl with the bright eyes and the sometimes nervous words scribbled in secret notebooks, with the intense hope for a better tomorrow, with rug burns on my knees from kneeling down and begging for mercy. I’ve been waiting a long time for something different to light up my night sky, tiring of memorized constellations and tiny blinking lights from airplanes- isn’t there anything else out there in this big, humongous world that really, when you get down to it, is just so, so small?
I smiled at you until you looked away. You looked away.
