When I was little, I would daydream about what it might be like to finally have a hand to hold that wasn’t my daddy’s when crossing the street or what kind of foot-popping kiss would be my first. It all seemed very far away for a long time- even in middle school when boys finally started to show me attention, I’d squirm and wave them away as if I wasn’t interested, even if I was. Even in high school, between first kisses and dates to the movies and posing for homecoming pictures, it all felt artificial, like maybe we were just going through the motions of what was expected of us, like maybe we were still just kids playing house. It didn’t seem real.
Today, I had my fingers in your hair when a friend snapped a picture of us. I saw it later when you had left- she flopped down beside me and showed me the screen of her phone. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to forget that you’re in the relationship. You’ve only got a first person perspective on how things are, you have no idea how other people see you. But there, through that lens, I saw the third person point of view of the two of us. My eyes were almost closed, but still focused on you, the softest, most content smile on my face. And your eyes were closed, your tall body slumped to the side to lean against my shoulder. We looked like two kids in love, so very in love. This feels real. This has to be real.
